It's Just a Word (Or Is It?)

"I don't like the word selfish."

The room shifted.

We were in the middle of yesterday's Selfish Saturday class—massage therapists, clients, and one of my business coaches—deep into the work of taking care of the whole body. Nutrition. Core and lower body strength. Self-Myofascial Release techniques. Intentions. Balancing energy to keep life as stress-free as possible.

Because when you take care of the whole body, your hands don't hurt.

Someone else spoke up: "What if we called it Self-Focused Saturday instead?"

My face smiled.

Every head in the room nodded.

Another person mentioned The Virtue of Selfishness—Ayn Rand's book about objectivism and the idea that self-interest isn't immoral.

When I'm teaching, I'm channeling. Going with the flow.

It's after class that I reflect and realize how the conversation ties to my own experiences.

This morning, I woke up thinking about my physical therapist.

"It's Just a Word. Get Over It."

Years ago, my Myofascial PT kept calling the massage table "the bed."

It drove me crazy.

"It's a table," I'd correct him. Every single time.

Finally, he looked at me and said: "Wendy, it's just a word. Get over it."

He was right.

The word didn't matter. My reaction to it did.

That's what I kept thinking about this morning after yesterday's class.

If "selfish" triggers you, the word isn't the problem. Your reaction to it is.

What Story Are You Telling Yourself?

Here's what happens when you hear the word "selfish":

Your body reacts.

Maybe your shoulders tense. Maybe your stomach drops. Maybe you feel guilt rising in your chest.

That reaction isn't about the word.

It's about the story you've been told—maybe your whole life—that putting your needs first is wrong. Indulgent. Selfish in the bad way.

So you give and give and give.

Until your hands hurt. Your back aches. Your energy is gone.

And you wonder why this career is so hard.

Because here's what I've learned after 24+ years: the word that triggers you is usually the word you need to hear most.

But maybe Self-Focused is better.

Not because "selfish" is wrong.

But because if the word keeps people from showing up, what's the point?

I might change the name for marketing testing. See what lands. See what gets people in the door.

Because the name doesn't matter if it stops you from getting the care you need.

Outside Problems vs. Inside Problems

That same PT—the one who told me to get over the word "bed"—said something else that stuck with me.

I used to complain a lot.

Bad things kept happening. People around me were bothering me. Everything felt hard.

He listened for a while, then said: "Wendy, those sound like outside problems. You need to work on your insides."

Ouch.

But he was right.

I couldn't control what happened around me. I could only control my reaction to it.

Same with the word "selfish."

You can't control what it means to other people.

But you can control whether you let that discomfort stop you from taking care of yourself.

The Real Problem with "It's Better to Give Than Receive"

This morning, another thought surfaced.

That old saying: "It's better to give than receive."

We say it like it's wisdom.

But think about what it actually means.

It elevates giving. It diminishes receiving.

It makes the receiver feel guilty—like they're taking something they don't deserve.

It makes the giver burn out—because if giving is always better, when do you stop?

And that's the trap massage therapists fall into.

You give massage. But you don't receive it.

You give your time. But you don't take rest.

You give your energy. But you don't protect it.

The truth is simpler: giving and receiving should be equal.

Not because it's selfish to receive.

But because you can't sustain a career—or a life—on an empty tank.

What I'm Asking You to Do

This week, do one self-focused thing.

Book a massage. Say no to a request you don't want to do. Block off a day for yourself.

And when the discomfort shows up—because it will—ask yourself:

Is this really selfish?

Or is this just my reaction to a word I've been taught to fear?

It's just a word.

The real question is: what are you going to do about your insides?

Your Body is Your Business and YOU are the CEO.